Lately, I saw many people dying. A friend of mine whom I'm not very fond of passed away. He's still so young, 20 years of age. They said he was a popular kid in his college. He's rich, too. Unfortunately, he died of suicide.
Another legendary man also died the other day. I'm pretty sure everybody has heard of it. Robin Williams died of suicide, too. He was and still is my idol for his roles, especially Jumanji. Ironically, Robin was a comedian, whose art and life is to share happiness to everybody. And yet, he was not happy.
One thing that I realized is that whatever my friend and Robin Williams had in life does not give them comfort. I'm pretty sure that they have this feeling of emptiness that makes life not worth living.
I think that emptiness is Christ. He is the river that never runs dry and the bread of life. I just hope that people would give Jesus a chance.
I'm a very emotional person in terms of life and death. It's a very sensitive topic for me recently. Now I know why God wouldn't let me get into a medical school. Being a doctor would mean to see dying people almost everyday and I wouldn't be able to handle that pressure.
My grandpa just got sick and went into hospital. He woke up 2 a.m. in the morning and found out he couldn't breathe. My parents panicked and rushed to his place.
When I saw him this evening, I barely could hold my tears. Even though I have never been close to him, I feel this sudden overflowing emotion of sadness when i saw both of his hands and his nose attached to cables and hoses connected to beeping machines. He looks okay. He didn't wanna lie down because he said he was feeling okay. But there's something in his eyes and the rasp in his voice that tells me he is not.
Suddenly a question passed my mind, "What would I do if I have grown old and went into the hospital?". Would I just wait for my time to come and lie all day and pray? Or fight for my existence on Earth.
The part that hit me hard is that death is the cycle of life. I know this sounds cliche, but the real fear is when we know someone we love has not known Christ and that we have failed to show them Christ love while they were still alive.
After I got home from the hospital, I felt horrible. I have the grace to understand God's love and I was too ignorant to share it with him.
I pray to God for the courage to speak up about Him. As John Piper had said, we are debtors of God's love and we have to share it with other people.
Despite my frustration on this topic, I still have faith that God's ways are beyond my comprehension and that they are wonderfully made.